Ashes In Public Places – Urning A Special Seat At The Bar

Last week, Jenny-Jenny mentioned a man that she saw when she was out at the bar with a girlfriend. Is he bringing ashes in public places? The man was sitting at the bar with a full sized urn sitting on the bar next to him. Jenny-Jenny snuck a picture of the scene and text it to Jim and Doni (see above).

Jenny: "Remember the guy with the urn I sent you a picture of? So me and my friend went to that exact bar last night and we were sitting there for a little while, and eventually he walks in and I recognize him immediately because he has the urn again."

You can listen to the whole conversation in Jim Bits or scroll down for more pieces from the conversation.

Jenny-Jenny said she and her friend watched as the guy made his way around attempting to flirt with ladies and buy them drinks. She said that sometime the man left the urn on the bar and other times he took the urn under his arm. Eventually, the man approached Jenny-Jenny and her girlfriend and asked if he could buy them a drink. The ladies declined the drink, but Jenny-Jenny was dying (see what I did there) to know what was in the urn.

"What's in the urn?" Jenny-Jenny asked.

The man responded that the urn held the ashes of his late wife. After she died, he went through her phone and discovered that she had been cheating on him. He said that he has been bring the ashes in public places like the bar so that she is present to see him flirting with other women.

The man said he didn't care if he got rejected. Jenny-Jenny recalls, "He said, 'I honestly don't even really care if I pick up any girls here, as long as my ex-wife knows that I'm flirting with other women in front of her.'"

Doni had questions, "And if he does pick up a lady and goes back to his place, where does he want the urn to watch?" Jim said, "There's no way that urn is not somewhere in the bedroom."

In the state of Michigan there is very little governing over what you can or can't do regarding ashes. Nolo.com has all the options and laws for scattering ashes, but the overall vibe I got was "just use your best judgment." In fact a quote under "Scattering Ashes on Public Land" reads, "Many people simply proceed as they wish, letting their best judgment be their guide."

This man is obviously in pain. While the situation is ludicrous, I genuinely feel for this person. Having said that, there has to be a better path. He needs to talk to someone who is trained to listen, not judge or perhaps a grief councilor. I hope that one day he can either forgive her and scatter the ashes or give them to someone in her family or friend network. In trying to punish his wife, he's punishing himself a great deal more. He's reliving his trauma every time he takes that urn to the bar.

Even if it is perfectly legal to take ashes in public places, it doesn't mean it's healthy for the person' emotional state. I hope he finds what he's looking for and can let go of the pain he's keeping. If you think I'm a downer, listen to the conversation above... we were much more light-hearted about it on air. :)