Raccoon Smoking Meth Pipe

If you’re ever having a bad day, just remember this: somewhere in Ohio, a police officer pulled over a woman for a routine traffic stop and ended up writing the words “raccoon smoking a meth pipe” into an actual arrest report.

It all went down near Akron, Ohio—because of course it did—where 55-year-old Victoria Vidal was cruising along in her car, unaware that her passenger was about to steal the show. Cops initially stopped her over an outstanding warrant and for driving with a suspended license. So far, pretty standard stuff for a Monday in Ohio.

But then, the universe gave us a gift. A perfect storm of chaos, comedy, and critters.

Because sitting in the front seat of Victoria’s car was Chewy. Not a dog. Not a cat. A raccoon. Yes, a raccoon. And not just any raccoon—a raccoon with attitude. A furry little felon who decided this was the moment to introduce himself to law enforcement in the most Ohio way possible.

As the officer was cuffing Victoria, he glanced back at the car and paused. Because there was Chewy, calmly perched in the driver’s seat like he was auditioning for a reboot of Guardians of the Galaxy: Meth Edition. In his little raccoon paws? A meth pipe. Held proudly. Like Simba on Pride Rock. And according to reports, Chewy was trying to smoke it.

Now, there are a lot of things that make cops raise their eyebrows. But seeing a raccoon fire up a meth pipe? That’s not something they cover in the academy. The officer started laughing—laughing—because sometimes reality is so far beyond parody that it just breaks you.

And here’s where the legend grows: one report claims that after the officer took the first pipe away from Chewy, the raccoon calmly reached down, grabbed another pipe, and tried again.

Because Chewy? Chewy is dedicated.

At this point, the traffic stop went from paperwork to “we’re gonna need backup.” Inspired by the marsupial meth enthusiast in the front seat, police decided to take a closer look at the car. And wouldn’t you know it, things escalated fast.

Inside the vehicle, officers found not one, not two, but three meth pipes, a small stash of crack cocaine, and around seven grams of methamphetamine. In the words of every bad police procedural ever: “We’ve got ourselves a situation.”

Victoria Vidal now faces felony drug possession charges, which is unfortunate for her but probably inevitable when your copilot is actively trying to hotbox the Honda with a meth pipe. It’s unclear whether Chewy had any idea what was happening—he’s a raccoon, after all—but let’s be honest: Chewy is now a folk hero.

Naturally, police had questions beyond just the drugs. Like, why do you have a raccoon? Is this legal? Is this ethical? Should we be worried about a meth-fueled rodent uprising?

Authorities confirmed that they were looking into whether Victoria had the proper permits to keep a raccoon as a pet. Because, yes, in parts of Ohio you can legally own one—provided you don’t hand them drug paraphernalia and let them sit shotgun like they’re rolling to a trap house.

Thankfully, Chewy is fine. He wasn’t harmed, and while we can’t be sure what a raccoon’s tolerance level is, he didn’t appear to be high—or at least no more high than your average woodland trash bandit. There’s no word on whether Chewy has entered rehab or signed with an agent, but with a viral video now floating around, don’t be surprised if he shows up on America’s Got Talent: Wildlife Edition.

The bodycam footage, by the way, is real—and surreal. One moment, it’s a routine bust. The next, you’re watching an officer double-take like he’s in a sitcom pilot, staring at a raccoon trying to spark up like it’s 4/20 in the animal kingdom. If a squirrel had popped out of the glovebox with a bong, it wouldn’t have made this story weirder.

One: Always turn your bodycam on. Two: Just because your pet raccoon rides well in the car doesn’t mean you should let him handle your drug stash. And three: Ohio continues to lead the league in “What the Actual Hell?” moments.

Also—yes, we know what you’re thinking. This has to be Rocket’s long-lost cousin, right? Somewhere, Chris Pratt is shaking his head and muttering, “This is why Rocket doesn’t visit family.”

In a world still recovering from Cocaine Bear, we now have Meth Raccoon. It’s like nature saw the memes and said, “Hold my beer.”

Let’s just hope this doesn’t become a franchise. Because if we get LSD Llama or Shrooms Squirrel next, we may need to sit nature down and have a serious talk.