WNBA’s Green Machine Goes Viral

Well this is a new one. Having lived in Michigan most of my life, the practice of people throwing octopuses on the ice at Red Wings games a cultural rite. I've never done it, but I've heard about it a thousand times. The WNBA is dealing with a new item being thrown on their playing field. What has been dubbed the WNBA's Green Machine is not an octopus. They are of a more adult nature.

It began on July 29. People reports that the first event occurred during Golden State’s tight 77‑75 win over the Atlanta Dream in College Park. With under a minute remaining and the game tied, a neon green object came sailing from the stands, landing near the free‑throw line. Broadcast announcers froze mid‑play, stunned at this unexpected development. Security and police intervened immediately, whisking the one-eyed wonder away before the final buzzer. An insane amount of videos have gone of gone viral. This vide refers to the object as a "football."

Fast forward just three days to August 1 in Chicago. Here we go again! The WNBA's flying green object appeared, this time under the basket. During the mid‑third quarter of Golden State’s 73‑66 road win over The Sky, the action halted when another when another green solo saber hit the court. Referees blew the whistle, halted the action, and executed a polished sideline removal: kick, towel, vanish.

Players weren’t laughing it off. Chicago’s center, Elizabeth Williams called it “super disrespectful… really immature,” urging fans to grow up. Indiana’s Sophie Cunningham bluntly posted, “stop throwing [them] on the court… you’re going to hurt one of us.” Liberty’s Isabelle Harrison added: “ARENA SECURITY?! Hello??! Please do better. Throwing ANYTHING on the court is so dangerous.”

Even Angel Reese joined the commentary, cheekily tweeting at Sydney Colson: “why do you keep throwing your mean green in different arenas… it’s getting weird.” Colson had earlier joked back: “Sorry I did NOT mean to throw that so far y’all.”

After the first green machine toss led to an arrest of the culprit, the league warned that any fan tossing court‑bound paraphernalia faces immediate ejection and at least a one‑year arena ban.

Why Golden State's Valkyries? Why anyone? I think the story we'd all like to know is what led up to this?

At what point does buying a green toy, smuggling it into a WNBA game, and chucking it onto the court sound like a plausible course of action?

Why didn't any of these viral video use music from Steely Dan?

Will the WNBA's green machine make a third appearance? I hope not. Just let the athletes play, fools. The joke is over.