Lefthanders Day and 10 Ways We’re Getting Screwed
Hi, I’m Jim and I’m a lefthander celebrating lefthanders day. Growing up I remember playing baseball in elementary school and not having left handed gloves, or sitting in a desk and having to curl your body around to write because school desks were built for right handed kids. Even Jerry Seinfeld did a bit about being a lefties in a right handed world:
Lefthander Day – 10 ways we’re getting screwed
Here’s ten things that are built in a right handed society that you may not think about:
1. Zippers on jeans. The flap covering the zipper is on the left. So it’s nearly impossible to zip with your left hand. That’s why I wear my jeans inside out (kidding…maybe).
2. Credit card machines. The swiper is always on the right. And if there’s a pen, it’s tethered to the right side of the machine, just like the pens at banks. Seriously – next time you go to use one, check it out. I was at my local grocery store and realized this when bagging my own groceries, which is also set up for right handed people.
3. Measuring cups. If you hold one in your left hand, you’re stuck measuring in milliliters instead of ounces. So that’s left handed metric bias…damn.
4. Car fobs. The kind with a key that opens like a knife. The button is always set up for righties. Lefties have to open them upside down.
5. Microwaves. If you push the button to open it with your left hand, the door hits your arm. Just the way they planned it at righty central (but not today buddy…not on lefthanders day – all the demons are coming out!)
6. Rulers and tape measures. If you use a tape measure left-handed, the numbers are upside down. Which is probably what happened in Spinal Tap when they got stonehenge wrong.
7. Power tools, like chop saws. The handle you pull down on is on the right. If you want to use it lefty, you have to cross your arms and reach over the blade. Not safe.
8. Novelty coffee cups. If there’s only printing on one side, it faces out for righties, so other people can see it. For lefties, it looks blank to other people. Okay, I never thought about this one – but it’s real. And how would I know that FBI stands for Female Body Inspector?
9. Playing cards. A lot of them only have numbers in two of the four corners. So you can’t see them well when they’re in your left hand. Euchre? More like Eu-can’t for lefties, am I right? Left?
10. Serrated knives. Even a lot of lefties don’t know. The teeth are set up to offset the tendency to twist clockwise with your right hand. So lefties tend to cut things like bread thinner at the top and fatter at the bottom. Another one that freaked me out – that explains why when I slice a tomato it comes out in three chunks angled like Mount Holly.
Bottom Line for Lefthanders Day
The world is against us fellow lefties! Okay, not really – but at least we have Hendrix and McCartney. And Joe Frazier’s hook. Babe Ruth was a lefty, Keanu Reeves and Tom Cruise are left handed (John Wick is a lefty, I have to go back and check out the films now – I wonder if that’s why he came up with that reload trick…you know what I’m talking about?).
And the saying “left handed people are the only ones in their right mind”.
Happy Lefthanders Day! Don’t let anyone hold you back. Now help me get this jeans off because they’re inside out.