Boomerasking : The Art of Talking About Yourself… Disguised as Politeness
Are you kidding me? There’s a new word for something we’ve all been doing since, oh I don’t know—forever? Welcome to the age of “boomerasking.” And no, before you get fired up, this has nothing to do with Baby Boomers. Although, let’s be honest, they might have pioneered the art form.
Boomerasking is the act of asking someone a question just so you can talk about yourself. That’s right. You toss out a casual inquiry—something harmless like “Do anything fun this weekend?”—but you’re really just waiting to swing the convo back to you. Like a boomerang. Hence, boomerasking. Cute, right?
This word was actually coined by a blogger a few years back, but it’s suddenly blowing up online after a recent study broke it down into three common flavors. And if you’re reading this and thinking, Wait, don’t I know someone who does this all the time?—yes. You do. You probably did it yourself this week.
So let’s break it down. Here are the 3 types of boomerasking:
1. Ask-Bragging
This is the classic maneuver. You pretend to care about someone else’s experience, but you’re really teeing yourself up for a humblebrag.
“Hey, how was your vacation?”
“Oh, nice. Well we went to Italy and had this private wine tasting in Tuscany, it was incredible.”
Sound familiar? That’s ask-bragging. It’s social judo—disguise the flex with a question.
2. Ask-Complaining
This one’s a favorite in the workplace. You approach someone like you’re checking in:
“How’s work been?”
“Oh yeah? Ugh, well my week’s been a total disaster.”
It’s the conversation version of dumping your stress onto someone, but, you know, politely. Because you asked first, so that makes it okay… right? (Spoiler: it doesn’t.)
3. Ask-Sharing
This one’s sneakier. You’re not bragging. You’re not whining. You’re just… throwing out a topic so you can unleash your hot take.
“What do you think of Cybertrucks?”
“Oh yeah? I think they’re ridiculous. They look like a toaster had a baby with a Lego brick.”
You didn’t actually want their opinion—you just wanted an opening.
Why Do We Do This?
The study behind this trend says most people boomerask because they think it’s more polite than launching into a monologue out of nowhere. And hey, it sounds polite. Asking someone a question shows interest, right? Perfect for a relationship.
But here’s the kicker: once people realize what you’re doing, it doesn’t feel polite anymore. It feels self-centered. Like you’re just using their answer as a trampoline to launch into your own story.
People catch on, too. We’re way more perceptive than we give ourselves credit for. That slightly forced smile from your coworker? That’s not admiration—it’s them realizing you never really cared about their dog’s birthday party.
This Isn’t New… At All
Let’s be honest—this behavior is as old as time. There just wasn’t a name for it before. It’s the human version of “enough about you, let’s talk about me.”
We’ve seen this at family dinners, in office kitchens, on dates, in group texts. Someone asks, “How’s your mom doing?” and the next thing you know they’re talking for 15 minutes about their own family drama.
We all know someone who does this. The coworker who “checks in” only to vent. The friend who always has a better story. The uncle who asks you about school just to remind you he once met Joe Namath in a bar.
But let’s not get too smug—chances are, you’ve boomerasked someone this week. Maybe even today.
So… Is Boomerasking All Bad?
Not really. Sometimes we genuinely want to share something and just don’t know how to bring it up without sounding narcissistic. A little boomerasking can be a social lubricant. It keeps conversations flowing. It gives people a way to participate in small talk without making it awkward.
But like anything, it’s all about balance. If your conversations are 90% you, 10% fake curiosity, people will notice. And eventually, they’ll stop engaging.
Here’s a Thought: Just Own It
Instead of boomerasking your way into every conversation, try honesty. Start with:
“Hey, I had the weirdest thing happen this weekend—mind if I tell you real quick?”
Boom. No manipulation. No fake lead-in. Just straightforward human interaction. People actually appreciate that more than you’d think.
So the next time you’re tempted to ask “What’s new with you?” just to share your own story—check yourself. Are you starting a conversation… or just setting up a monologue?
Either way, welcome to the age of boomerasking. We’ve been doing it forever. Now we just have a name for it.
And honestly? Are you kidding me? We needed a whole study to tell us this?
